Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Stalker

For the last few weeks my girlfriends has had a stalker.

We have lost sleep; we have been on eggshells. It's scary stuff. Who could do such a thing and why?

It started about a month as we slowly rolled from simply friends to tentatively dating. First her car got broken into. Smashed glass 30 feet from when she slept. Scary, scary stuff.

Then a couple of weeks a later a mean and vindictive comment was left on her blog. All indications pointed to her INSANE ex-husband. Things were not looking good.

With all this going on the mundane and silly became to take on meaning.

Around the time the window was broken disposable razors started showing up on her lawn. At first it was simply a "Hey, that's weird." Then as the other things started falling into place connections were drawn and this became a bad scene.

Someone was watching and waiting and leaving razors.

Who was it? The ex? A jaded blog reader? She was single for 2 years but had plenty of men wanting to take her out. One of them? A neighborhood crazy?

One night a razor (all the razors were in a package. They were all EXACTLY the same) was left in her back utility room while she was in the house! This was the second one of the day and the first left in the back yard (that is fenced in!) and the first left while she was home just feet away in the kitchen.

This was getting too weird. She was getting alarmed and so was I. I'm the boyfriend. I need to protect my girlfriend.

One came in the middle of the night Sunday. That was another first. The others came during the day. How strange! We needed a plan. I was determined. I was going to catch the SOB that was doing this. What kind of person would do such a thing?

By now there were more than 20 razors left. A plan was formulated...

Monday morning she left at 7am. I drove by to check at 8:10am and sure enough there was a razor!!

I came back at 11:00am to do Day 1 of my stake out and there were 2 more packages in the walkway. What? Really? This was the first time 3 were left. This is stupid. I stayed and watched all day and no more came.

Day 2 of the stake out I had a new plan. I took the day off from work and I was going to be there from the time she left till the time she came home. At 6:50am I hopped the fence in her back yard to come into the house UN-NOTICED. !I thought we were being watched!)

In the dark house I sat and I watched.

Picture the seriousness of this.

My heart pounding. My face pressed up against the slit in the blinds. Scanning... watching..waiting....

Then... JACKPOT.

Up the driveway came a single disposable razor in a package. There were at least 20 of those in the house already. Finally I saw, with my own two eyes, the razor being carefully placed, in the same spot as the others. I HAD CAUGHT THE VILLAIN.

How dare you scare my girl with your razors!!

HOW DARE YOU STALK HER!! What gives you the right!!!

I am no hero, alas. I did indeed figure out the answer to the riddle but it wasn't that scary.

You see, I did see the razor being walked up the driveway. It wasn't, however, in the hands of some evil man. It wasn't even in hands at all. It was in the mouth of a homeless cat.

For almost a month a homeless cat had been raiding someones supply of disposable razors and leaving them on the front walkway of my girl. Of all the crazy things.

I am a hero. I solved the mystery. My son, who was playing detective with me, had a hearty laugh and said, "Dad, it was the cat the whole time wasn't it?"

"Yes, Colby, it was."

While I feel silly about the whole episode I am happy that there no stalker. Just a kind hearted cat bringing gifts to a kind hearted woman.

Life is so funny.