Friday, June 17, 2011

What if..

I miss my Dad every day.

Sunday of course is Father's Day. The day we all celebrate our dads. The day we send cards or make a call just to say "hey, love ya dad.." It's a simply day really. A day to show respect for dear ol' dad.

This day had a different meaning to me this year. This is the first Father's Day that I don't have a dad to call. No card was sent. It's the first Father's Day since my dad died.

I'll miss my Dad even more than usually on Sunday.

It's impossible but nice think about. What if you had a moment to just make that call on Father's Day? Just one brief trip to heaven to visit. One moment where reality is gone and heaven just isn't that far away.

What if I could send one letter to my Dad? One card to fill him on on his son's life for the last 8 months. Maybe he's watching over me right now. Maybe, just maybe, with a leap of faith, I can pretend that it is possible and he is here, just long enough to read a letter...

If really can't hurt. Here goes...

Dear Dad,

I miss you each and every day. You are in my thoughts and you are with me in everything that I do. I wish with all my heart that you were still here with us. I wish you could sit down with me just one more time.

Losing you was so hard. A part of me died that day. It's OK though because the way you raised me and the lessons you taught me have enabled me to eventually fly on my own. I am living an amazing life now because of you. Because of what you gave me. For everything I am I thank you.

The end of of last year was so very hard. Trying to rebuild my life, alone, was a challenge. Each day though I felt your presence and support. You were there and I felt it. Thoughts of you and what you meant to me where there through all the tough times. I made it through the darkness and the loneliness. Now I am happier than I could ever have imagined. It's because of what you gave me from the time I was a little kid.

I remember all those years looking up to you. Seeing the example that you set helped me to develop into a man. I saw how you sacrificed and how hard you worked. I learned the lesson that you taught me. I appreciated everything. I hope I showed you through the years how important you were to me.

I could not have asked for a better father. Thank you dad!

I know you can't be here to share my life with anymore and that has been hard. Whenever it rains I always think about you calling me through the years to warm me about bad weather. Whenever it snows on Cape Cod I think about you telling me exactly how much accumulation you got.

So many things make me think of you.

Thoughts of you helped me to re-build my life. Now things are going great for me. I am so very happy.

I wish you could have met Teresa. I wish you could have come to my wedding. I wish that you could see how tall, smart and hansom Colby is. What an amazing boy! He is really turning into a young man right before my eyes.

It saddens me that you aren't here to see him grow and mature.

Just other day I watched him get promoted from 5th grade. I thought about you and how proud you would have been to be there. I know you were watching from somewhere.

Well, Dad, I'm sure that you have been watching and see how great my life is and how happy that I am. I am sure that you are proud. I hope that on November 19th you are looking down on me when I marry the girl of my dreams with Colby beside me as my best man. I know you will be proud of me and what I have become.

I could write pages and pages about the admiration that I have for you. I could write even more about how much I miss you. You already know all this.

As Father's Day comes and goes this year please know that you were the light that guided me through all the times in my life; good and bad. I am who I am because of you. You shaped me with every caring word and every thoughtful action. You defined for me what it is to be a Father, a supporter and a friend.

I love you Dad and I miss you dearly. Where ever you are you are with me... forever.

Happy Fathers Day!

Your favorite son,


Monday, June 6, 2011

The girl that changed everything

I wanted to date. I was lonely and unhappy at the time. I was single so I signed up for a couple of internet dating sites. I met a few nice ladies but nothing that worked....

Actually it was very annoying.

I met ladies that I liked and I thought MAYBE I could get to know and date but there always seemed to be some kind of hangup. I was getting toward the end of my rope.

Then I met her. She was very pretty and very nice. We hit it off very much so on a lunch date. As a matter of fact we got along so well that we planned our second date for that night. We had dinner and enjoyed the company of one another. Afterwards we walked in the park and shared a romantic first kiss in the moon light.

What a great evening. I went hope happy and hopeful that maybe this was the one.

Of course the next day I got the "I'm not ready for a relationship/I don't know what I want" email AGAIN.

I through in the towel and gave up. No more dates. No more searching. No more anxiously checking my email. No more searches on I was done dating. It was too much.

I was trying too hard. Hoping for something and not even knowing what it was. I was lost but was OK with that.

I made a decision to stop right then and there.

You know what? That's when Autumn walked into my life. We went out. We hung out. It was light. It was fun. No expectations. No tomorrow. Just two people seeing each other with no rules and no games. We just had fun and filled a void for each other. It was an amazing time for me to figure out what I wanted and to learn about ME and who I was without trying so hard to be the other half of another.

I stopped looking.

Then Autumn set me up with Teresa...

Just when I stopped looking is when I found everything that I'd always wanted. Life truly is amazing...