Monday, April 25, 2011

Birthday Blog

Looking back over the years of journaling and blogging I am always mystified why, right around my birthday, I am always writing and rarely is it happy, good or positive. I guess for whatever reason the changing of my age gets me thinking about what was or what could be. I've never really figured it out.

Looking back over the year that I was 37 I see a lot of pain. I see a divorce, injuries, a broken computer, a broken heart, the loss of my dad and the loss of my car.

As I faced my birthday yesterday I had a lot to be sad about. I had a lot of excuses to be unhappy and to find a way to me miserable.

Looking back over the day that I turned 38 I can say without hesitation that it was the best birthday of my life.

My life is becoming what I want it to be. The missing pieces of the puzzle have come together for me. The searching and the struggling that we all go through has been worth it. Today, finally, at 38 years young I can say that I have become happy and content.

Believe me. I am NOT done. I am not settling. I am not thinking that I have lived my life and now I can be content will what I have. There is a long way to go BUT I know KNOW what I want and I have now built the right team around me to get it done.

Forward I march with my head held high.

For me the transformation and growth happened is a moment of shear exhaustion and exhilaration as the sun set over a field somewhere near Dunnelon, Florida. I was 12 hours into a mountain bike race that I should not have been doing. I had needed to do it though. I had set out to find myself and sure enough in a flash of continuousness I did.

At that moment my life's focus became four things. Four pillars of me.

Today I look at my four pillars and I see all are strong so, sure enough, I am happy and grateful every minute for this gift that is my life. I am grateful and thus happy.

Now as I go into my 38th year I see nothing but good. I see a strong foundation of a life that has value and worth. I see friends and supporters as far as the eye can see. I see future success, joy and happiness...

Do you want to know what the missing piece of the puzzle was?

Do you want to know what finally tied everything together and makes me feel now that I am the happiest and most content that I have ever been in my life?

Her name is Teresa and I have finally found her.

Together now we go into this life of richness, worth and joy. Together with our heads held high....


  1. That sounds great. And one person is responsible for all that?

  2. Yes. That one person is ME. True joy and contentment comes from WITHIN. I have found that. Once you are happy in your heart everything else falls into place...

  3. The question becomes...if that puzzle piece went missing again, would you still feel so content?? A lot of credit is given to a person...a love. a wonderful thing, for sure. But, when one seems to feel that person completed the puzzle that was 'them', what happens when the puzzle changes? It seems true happiness comes from being a complete puzzle alone and just adding an extra piece when another comes that compliments the picture- but does not change the actual completeness of the puzzle that was there before and shall remain after.

  4. I agree that true contentment comes from within (or in a pint of Ben and Jerry's ;). In reading your posts over the last several months, though, it didn't seem like you were content with yourself.

    I'm also not sure about someone being a missing piece...humans are social creatures, and we need friendship, companionship, etc. (Especially companionship ;) But, I never took to the idea of another "completing me" (to borrow a hated movie phrase). Complement, yes. Plus, women have never liked it when I've called them my void-fillers ;)

  5. I have no problem with debate. (as long as it is health and not insulting) I respectfully disagree with both of you. Why be content alone when the goal is to not be alone. I am confused by that. BUT I think that important thing is that we are who we are. Yes, I am a divorced man who fell in love with an amazing woman right after I got divorced. It didn't work out. I was sad and hurt but I picked myself up and moved on. DID I GO SEARCHING FOR ANOTHER PERSON TO FILL THE VOID?

    NO I did not.

    I dated for a while then stopped looking. As soon as I stopped looking Teresa walked into my life. Was it too soon for me or for her? Perhaps by some standards BUT NOT OURS! That is what I feel is important. I did not look for "the one". I did not hang all my happiness on the finding her. She showed up and we make each each other very happy.

    What if she goes missing? That's is always a risk now isn't it? Life is about risks isn't it? I have faith that what we are building is going to last. I have faith in her, I have faith in my and I have faith in us.

    I don't disagree with either of you from your perspective. I don't think Debbie is wrong. I however am not either of you. We are have different values and thought processes. Mine is different. Maybe that's why my relationship with my last girlfriend didn't work out.

    I do believe that a person can "save" another. It's just semantics. When we don't like being alone someone to keep us company saves us in a way, right?

    In any case I am happy to have met a girl named Teresa. We are going to be married and live a great life together. It is OK that you two have your doubts. That is your right! I was unhappy in a marriage for a long time and single for almost 9 months. I did indeed find myself and find contentment in being alone. I was ok alone I just didn't need to prove to anyone else that I could do it long term.

    Thanks for reading and "debating". I hope you are still reading 20 years from now when I have my 20th wedding anniversary and I can go like this ----------> :p