Monday, April 25, 2011
Looking back over the years of journaling and blogging I am always mystified why, right around my birthday, I am always writing and rarely is it happy, good or positive. I guess for whatever reason the changing of my age gets me thinking about what was or what could be. I've never really figured it out.
Looking back over the year that I was 37 I see a lot of pain. I see a divorce, injuries, a broken computer, a broken heart, the loss of my dad and the loss of my car.
As I faced my birthday yesterday I had a lot to be sad about. I had a lot of excuses to be unhappy and to find a way to me miserable.
Looking back over the day that I turned 38 I can say without hesitation that it was the best birthday of my life.
My life is becoming what I want it to be. The missing pieces of the puzzle have come together for me. The searching and the struggling that we all go through has been worth it. Today, finally, at 38 years young I can say that I have become happy and content.
Believe me. I am NOT done. I am not settling. I am not thinking that I have lived my life and now I can be content will what I have. There is a long way to go BUT I know KNOW what I want and I have now built the right team around me to get it done.
Forward I march with my head held high.
For me the transformation and growth happened is a moment of shear exhaustion and exhilaration as the sun set over a field somewhere near Dunnelon, Florida. I was 12 hours into a mountain bike race that I should not have been doing. I had needed to do it though. I had set out to find myself and sure enough in a flash of continuousness I did.
At that moment my life's focus became four things. Four pillars of me.
Today I look at my four pillars and I see all are strong so, sure enough, I am happy and grateful every minute for this gift that is my life. I am grateful and thus happy.
Now as I go into my 38th year I see nothing but good. I see a strong foundation of a life that has value and worth. I see friends and supporters as far as the eye can see. I see future success, joy and happiness...
Do you want to know what the missing piece of the puzzle was?
Do you want to know what finally tied everything together and makes me feel now that I am the happiest and most content that I have ever been in my life?
Her name is Teresa and I have finally found her.
Together now we go into this life of richness, worth and joy. Together with our heads held high....