Tuesday, February 8, 2011

She haunts my dreams

I know what it is like to give over my heart to another and then to have it broken.

I know because she haunts my dreams.

The deepest sanctum of my heart is open and invaded in the depth of the dark night. At times when I'm not thinking...I am simply being. These are the times when she arrives...and haunts.

I've moved past the hurt. I am happy. I spend time with my heart saver. Life brings me joy and the sad times are few and far between. At night though, when my feeling are out of my control....

In my dreams she is there. She and I are together again. I feel the utter and complete joy of being near and with the love of my life. Together again and the reality is the nightmare. My soul is light, my fears are calmed. Everything is right. God's plan is back to how it should be. I feel the amazement of a love that can be and see through every wall and barrier.

Then I wake up. Then I realize it was a dream. Like mist of the early morning hillside; unfeeling, untouchable...gone.

At the feeling of sleep fades and the reality of the life seeps into my soul I realize the facts. I see and feel the reality.

She is gone forever. It's almost like her being there was the dream. But she was. For a moment I held onto an angle sent from heaven. Just for a moment though. A moment that, like the dream, it now gone never to be found again. Sadness covers me like a blanket on a cool night.

Then I stand tall and lift my chin up.

What was is no more and it's OK. She wasn't meant for me. I wasn't meant for her. I was wrong and she was right. A wrong love in a wrong time. I breath again and walk into my day.

The healing road is a long when you feel the brokenness from a lost love. The road is long and the road is rough. I have gone a long way and I have a long way to go. Thank God for the help that I have had along the way. The pain is less now. The sorrow gone. I will be complete someday; I will be whole.

At night though she haunts my dreams

During the day I walk the healing road alone but look back to see two sets of footprints.... thankful that my heart saver and hero walks right beside me....

No comments:

Post a Comment