Courage

I was thinking about courage.

Does it take more courage to stay or to go. Does it take more courage to fight and fight and fight or to give in and give up. Does it take more courage to stand up for what you think is right or realize it is wrong and run the other way.

Looking back on my life I see myself running. I see myself running away from fears and doubts. I see myself giving up and giving in for whatever reason. I can see me running away and never looking back.

I'm like everyone else. Sometimes I want to run. There and minutes, hours and days that I just want to run Forrest Gump style.

When I was young and single I could and I did.

I ran in hope to Colorado. I ran away with fear and regret.

I ran in hope to New Hampshire. I ran away with fear and regret.

Now here I am.

I can't run. Sometimes I think I could but I will not. I have the courage to fight and fight. It doesn't mean that I don't want to. Man, sometimes I feel like walking out the door and not stopping...

The simplicity of my life has created complexities that I never would have dreamed of. The weight of the decisions that I have made are heavy on my back. The who of who I am is sometimes the question of my day...and the dreams of my night.

For now I am sure that I am unsure. I am sure that I don't know from where happiness and contentment are going to come.

I irony of my workout tonight just hit me. I ran laps around the track....it was hard work but I got nowhere. Sounds like my life....