Monday, October 25, 2010

Bring it

I remember the day we moved into our dream house.

It wasn't a dream but a nightmare.

We were fostering two children that were not ours. I had ignored the signs and now my business was going down the drain. A new house, a new life, new kids.... no money and no happiness.

I was living a nightmare and every-time I opened my front door it was highlighted like a light turned on in a dark room.

I thought about my dream house just the other day. I was in my apartment and looking at the wallpaper falling off the wall wondering where I was going to put my bike rack. My tiny batcher pad isn't the 3000 square food top of the line home in a gated community but it is home and it makes me happy.

We always wanted a big nice house. Who doesn't? We thought we were ready. We were not but I least I thought we could be. We walked into the this beautiful brand new home with not a penny to buy furniture. The mortgage became a rope around my neck. As I watched the housing market crumble my business melting into the sands of time. I knew that we couldn't afford to live in this home.

Those were 18 dark, dark months.

I'd walk in the house knowing that it wasn't home. I knew that we would lose the house and our credit. I knew I was losing my marriage. My son didn't get attention because we were working so much just to keep our heads above water.

It was awful.

A combination or bad choices and bad luck led us down this path.

After 18 months of mounting debt just to survive we were done and our dream home experiment was over. Life went back to the way it had been but now we had a few scars that will never heel.

Do I want to get out of my tiny apartment someday and own a house? Sure I do. Will I rush into this because somehow this will make me happy? Ha! Never!

Stuff and big houses don't make you happy! This you bring to the table. Happiness is within. It just needs to be brought out. I am so much happier now broke and living below the poverty line then I ever was when I lived in the house with cherry cabinets and crown molding.

Life is what is so AMAZING; not stuff.


  1. I know this feeling. All the stuff I used to have never made me happy! I am poorer now, but much richer in so many other ways!

  2. Yeah. Richness is within all of us. The stuff sometimes dims the truth richness of life....