Monday, October 4, 2010

Sticks and stones

Sticks and stones….

I wrote in an early blog post that I was made fun of as a kid. OK, that doesn’t make me special. I’m sure a lot of kids got made fun of and had varying degrees of effects from said cruelty. Let me tell you about my effects.

I was a little ugly and awkward as a kid. We didn’t have much money so I guess my clothes were more like rags. My socks would fall down and my shirts were dirty. I didn’t know what to say and when to say it. I was in the dumb kids class. Whatever the ridiculous reason a lot of kids made fun of me.

Kids are cruel sometimes. Whatever.

It hurt… a lot.

I can remember breaking down in 5th grade one time. I was in a classroom with my head in my arms balling my eyes out. I’m sure that just led to more ragging later on.

It was what it was. That was a LONG time ago. It’s over and done with. Or is it…

I’m writing about this today (actually last week) because I had someone hurt my feelings today. Of course it was my ex wife. In our journey from married to “the mother/father of Colby” we are going to have ups and downs. We have had good days/weeks and bad days/weeks. Right now is a bad time and it’s being blamed on me.

Today she called me a “dick”.

It hurt.

I know it is my choice to be hurt. She says I need to get over it. I agree. After all she’s the one lashing out in anger and not me. I’m not calling names. I’m the one being called a name. Was it the name that hurt?

When I was a kid the “cool” kids used to make fun of me and call me “Dick Copley”. Ironically enough that is what my dad went by. It was a name for him but my name was Rick. It was them being cruel to me. “Isn’t your name Richard”. Yeah, whatever.

Maybe it brought back bag memories that I never got over.

Was it’s the fact that “she” said it?

Maybe since I lived with this person for 11 years and now instead of planning a life together she’s calling me names I’m hurt.

Maybe I’m just overly sensitive and need to get over it.

Maybe I’m taking the high road and sometimes it’s hard to do the right thing.

Maybe I’m being a “dick”?

Is it wrong to get upset when someone that I am close to resorts to calling me names? Maybe a little of everything… I do need to get over it don’t I?

There are times in my life when I want to lash out and call people names. That is so wrong in so many ways and I will not do it. I can see now the damage that it does.

There is obviously more to my relationship with my ex than her calling me names. The process is a hard one. My single blogger friends of been talking a lot about time. Guess I’m starting to believe them.

…. will break my bones and names will always hurt me.

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