Tuesday, September 28, 2010


We make choices every minute of every day. Some choices are mundane. What socks do I where today? Which shirt? What belt? Whatever. We make these choices over and over again without much thought to the consequences. For the most part the world is not going to end no matter what choice we make.

Some choices mean something. Am I going to break my sacred vows and end my marriage? That one’s going to leave a mark. More on that later.

We choice who we are. How’s that for important?

You read correct. We choose who we are. It is a conscious choice. Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not one decision but a series on many decisions over the course of many weeks, months and years but we do indeed choose who we become.

Did you ever sit back and look at who you are?

Who are you?

You are the sum total of what you do, what you say, what you think, who you socialize with, who you don’t socialize with, the rules you make, the rules you break… you get the point. Added all together you get YOU. The things that I listed above are all choices.

You are the sum total of all the decisions that you make thus you are who you want to be. It is your choice. Do you not believe this?

I am a believer of changing yourself for the better. I believe that it is possible to look at yourself and say, “You know, I don’t like BLANK. I want to change in that area of my life. I no longer accept less than the best…” The details here can be just about anything. Your health, your body, your job, your friends…. your spouse.

What if your relationship with your spouse has gone from great, to acceptable, to less than acceptable to…. ? You get the picture.

Now here is the problem. How much are you willing to change? What DECISIONS are you willing to make to create a better relationship? What if your spouse is not willing to change? What if you finally realize that they are not going to change?

Some may call it a mid-life crisis. Is that what I had? Doubtful. What is that anyway?

I think of it as more being enlightened. One day you wake up and realize that the decisions that you are making on a daily basis are not congruent with the decisions that your spouse in making. It’s when this realization becomes clear to one or both parties in a marriage it is over. There is no turning back.

Call me cynical because I’m a guy that is recently divorced. That’s OK. I think it’s true. We choose who we are. We can’t be with someone who chooses to be the type of person you don’t want to be with. Period.

Of course this all come from somewhere. For years my wife would say or do things that frustrated me. In my mind I would think, “I would never do (or say) that”. Of course I’m sure that she felt the same way for a lot of things. There is give and take in a relationship. It is never perfect.

Since my separation I can see it so much clearer now. She says things that make me stop and say, “I made the right choice. I am so happy now that I made this difficult decision.”

I am reminded on a daily basis why I chose to leave my marriage.

I sure she feels the same way.

Was this the right choice? Today I say yes.

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