Monday, September 20, 2010


There is an elephant in the room. He’s standing on my foot so I think I need to address him.

In order to write about where I am and where I am going I am going to constantly need to see where I have been. Being a single dad at 37 can only mean one thing: out there somewhere is a single mom who is the mother of my child.

Before I go any further I think I need to make something clear. This blog is about me. It’s not meant to be about anyone else. If you know me then you know my ex wife. If you want I’m sure it’s not too hard to figure out who this person is. I will not, however, mention her name nor will I mention anyone else’s name. If you know who I am talking about then cool; good job, you’ve figured it out. Please, out of respect for his or her privacy keep it to yourself. I will not use names in my blog.

I have been separated since June 3rd of this year. While it seems like a life time it is a relatively short period of time. I’m deeply saddened by this reality but I am excepting of it. The reasons are many and the hurts run deep. This is how it is. The details may come out a little at a time. For now I’m just give a brief description of why I am a single dad who was married for 10 years.

My marriage ended really on March 20th, 2008. This was the tipping point. Before this I was married with levels of happiness and joy and levels of unhappiness and misery. Until that very day the good outweighed the bad. That date represented the tipping of the scales. From that day until the separation happened it was simply hanging onto something what was finished.

That right there is all the details that I want to get into out of respect for my ex wife. Truth be told why this result came about is something that I still hold close to my heart. I want to talk more about it and I may but at this point I’m not sure.

As I make my way through this world I may or may not share more of the story of my marriage. I’ll have to see how it goes. Regarding my marriage I can say that we both didn’t do the things that needed to be done for a marriage to last. Who takes the most blame? There was a time that I would have said that it was 80/20 on me. I’ve had a lot of chance to analyze and I’ve come to believe that yeah, I was the one to blame BUT it’s not 80/20. Likely 60/40 is fair. She may say 90/10 but she would be wrong. It rarely works like that.

So there you have it. Recently single and making my way. I am still guarded but working towards some release.

I don’t know what I want really but I am searching. I am hurting in a lot of ways but hopeful in a lot of other ways.

I don’t know how to make my way so I’m here to try and figure it out.

At the end of the day what happened with my marriage matters but what my future brings is what really counts. That reality hasn’t been written yet. I think I’ll start today…

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