I woke up in the middle of the night; again. I couldn’t fall back asleep; again. My mind could only go one place; again. It’s night number one of the healing process. Its night number one since the love of my life officially told me she doesn’t love me anymore.
Tonight I woke up with two words going through my mind: true hurt.
This is true hurt.
True hurt is the feeling you feel deep in your chest when everything else is gone; when you are alone with nothing but your thoughts. When your thoughts have no where left to go but back to the hurt that you feel….the emptiness….the brokenness…the helplessness.
True hurt if when you wake up to realize that it wasn’t a nightmare after all.
True hurt is an emotion and feeling that is not easy to produce. People just don’t feel true hurt from being sad and alone. It’s not a feeling you get just because.
True hurt comes when you truly lose what you truly value. True hurt comes when you’ve given everything that you have and can’t stop giving. True hurt can only come when you love completely... and lose completely.
Tonight I feel true hurt.
I finally gave up hope two nights ago. Now for the second night in a row I have felt the middle of the night true hurt. I can fall asleep at night; I get tired from my day. My body sleeps the few hours that it truly needs to function. Then the true hurts surfaces and I sleep no more.
I’m up at 3:39am because I have broken heart. I’m going back to be bed now to figure out how to fix me. I wish that I knew.