Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Which is real?

Was having a discussion just the other day. It was an interesting conversation because the opinions being expressed were almost the exact opposite. What adds more flavor to the story is the fact that the two people engaged in the conversation were once married for 10 years. Maybe that is why we are not married anymore.

Another topic for another day…

The topic of our talk that day was what is real and what is not. It made me think of that old commercial from many years ago. You know the one, “Is it real or is in Memorex”. Funny, the thinks we remember.

Anyway, we were comparing “logic” and “physical pain”. Logic being the decisions we make about what is right and wrong and what we are going to do or not do. Physical pain is the hurt that you feel from things whether is actual physical damage or heartfelt pain from a loss. We took opposing viewpoints and had a civil disagreement.

She seemed to think logic was real and pain was not. In other words, right was right and wrong was wrong. Decisions are real. Decisions are about what is right and wrong is black and white. Pain, on the other hand, isn’t real; it’s fleeting. Hurt heals. Logic is forever.

In regards to logic she used herself as an example. “What if I decided to date a redneck in a trailer with guns and dogs and he drinks…etc. What would you think about your son being exposed to that?”

She says that this is logic and this is plain right verse wrong.

As far as pain goes she used the example of stabbing me with a fork. (REALLY?? Thanks for that! Lol) It would hurt for a while but it would heal and the pain would go away.

I think it is the opposite. Pain is real. Pain you feel. Pain is there. Logic is fleeting. Logic might make sense to you but not to someone else. As far at the redneck goes well I’m good with that. I said that I trust you to make the right decision about who to date and I hope you feel the same in the future. No logic there, right?
I think pain is the real thing. Pain from a fork in the hand and pain from a broken heart are the same. Both cause you pain at a physical and emotional level. Both can hurt for a long time. This is the body. You can’t control this. Pain is indeed real. Pain can hurt a lot. I can’t explain it away with logic.

What is logic anyway? You can have the same scenario but 10 different people handle it different ways. Is that logic? There are so many factors with “logic”. Logic tells me to date her. Logic tells me not to date her. Whose logic? Your logic? My logic? It’s not real. Its opinion and perception; sometimes it’s even wrong.
This is why dating is so hard. People have REAL needs that need to be met. People have REAL feelings that are there and need to be valued. Logic says one thing but FEELINGS and EMOTIONS say another. Which is real? WHICH IS REAL?

Obviously my ex and I are different. She is much more logical than I am. I am more of a risk taker with my heart. She tends to be able to focus on what is right and what is “logical”. That may work for her but not for me.

My feelings are real. My hurt is real. On the flip side my healing is also real. My logic? Well needs some work. Sometimes what I do just doesn’t make sense.

As I make my way today and tomorrow past the hurt of yesterday and the day before I hope to improve my logic. I would like to be better at choosing right from wrong and the good over the bad.   I would like to…
Yeah… but in the end it’s not who I am. I think with my heart. The feelings and the hurt are the things that are real to me. Again I ask: Where’s the logic is that? I don’t know but……

…..this is who I am.

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